Things Husbands Shouldn’t Do

20 Jan

Things Husbands Should Not Do



After partially recovering from the hazards of accompanying my wife on a recent “brief” grocery shopping trip and giving much thought to the matter, I’m convinced there should be a law forbidding husbands from going grocery shopping with their spouses. This conclusion is based on facts which I believe no reasonable man will challenge.

Number one on the list of reasons is the fact that shopping habits of men and women are totally different, and to impose those of either upon the other causes considerable damage to nerves and ability to be patient, a desirable commodity rarely found in husbands under the most favorable circumstances. Rating second, in my view, is that the practice causes an erosion of beautiful, romantic notions that may have survived those years of struggle following a happy honeymoon. Beauty of any kind at any age makes life better. (Esc use my being idealistic and practical in the same essay; the two are seldom compatible)

Have you ever waited outside in a car on a hot August day while your wife went on “short” shipping trip into a grocery store? A “short” trip takes at least one to one and on-half hours. Heaven forbid if you have to wait on her while she goes on her “regular” grocery shopping tour, because they last for about three hours, and often interfere with the husband’s bathroom habits. The birds might be singing in a tree on the parking lot, but cannot be heard above the screaming calls of nature. Whether it’s hot enough to fry eggs on the hood of your car, or cold enough to form icicles on your nose, it’s out of your control, because your wife took the car keys with her because the store’s discount card is on the key chain.

The t temperature during the wait, however, is not the main hindrance. It’s the wear and tear on a man’s nerves and   his efforts to be patient in all his husbandly functions. But how long does it take to pick up a dozen grocery items, check out and return the car? It took Columbus only three weeks to sail half way around the world in a small, leaky boat. Waiting places a terrible strain on any relationship into which any man sail his boat.

Loving wives, however, are not only pleasant and desirous of pleasing most of the time, but are blessed with the patience of Job. That admirable character trait is said to be the main reason they can stay married to a man for so many years. I don’t know why that thought came to mind when I’m writing about wives’ shopping habits, but it just tumbled out. Perhaps it’s because, deep down, I believe the patient gene is a factor in their prolonged shopping habits.

You husbands have probably noticed that your ladies like to move unhurried through a store to look, touch and think. It’s called “shopping”. No matter if they don’t need any of the items they look at and examine. They will, of course, eventually pick up what they need and saunter over to the checkout line. A man, on the other hand, knows what he wants, so grabs it and dashes to the checkout counter. Zip, boom, gone. Such a thing is foreign to a lady’s nature, and the sooner a husband accepts this as fact, the sooner he’ll minimize the threats to his physical and mental health and add years to his life expectancy.

So now you know what a man should not do in addition to working off ladders and not using chain saws.


One Response to “Things Husbands Shouldn’t Do”

  1. Beverly Bowden bishop January 20, 2015 at 9:03 pm #

    Enjoyed the read! ha ha! You hit it pretty much on the head with our shopping differences!

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